i’m definitely taking tomorrow off

Well.  It’s been 46 days since I started this little adventure.

I’m glad I did it.  Partly for the reason that I’m sure NaBloPoMo people are glad they did it – simply for the sense of accomplishment of posting every single day – well, except for that bit without the internet access…

Partly because of what it has shown me about the way that I think about writing here.  There is a very perfectionist part of me that wants every post here to be brilliant.  Witty.  Moving.  All of the above.  I want, like every other blogger (deep down, you KNOW it’s true), to be read by those I know and by the unknown masses.  Recognized for my amazing writing.  Offered a book deal.  And posting every day is not conducive to brilliant writing.  At least, not for me; my brain takes a little longer to percolate.  So there definitely is a place in me that is very annoyed by some of what I’ve put out here, because it just doesn’t feel good enough.

And that’s when I think: good enough for what? I mean really – this blog is never going to make me famous – and although it would be nice if it did, the truly life-changing part of me even having this blog is that for the last 2 years, I have written.  Regularly.  About my life, and my family’s lives.  And unlike the countless half-filled notebooks and scrap pieces of paper stuck here and there all over my house – this little internet space is organized by date, searchable by topic, and comes with pictures attached.  Maybe it’s not the same as having a scrapbook to flip through, and certainly there are things I don’t write about here, but most likely the best thing about this blog is that I have some sort of record.  That my kids will, should they choose to use it.  It’s simply amazing to me, when I think about it, the wealth of memory that is already here.  And writing every day has forced me to record more of those memories, getting down bits of things that otherwise would have been left til later and then forgotten.

Also, I have enjoyed posting daily in the same way that I enjoy holding a camera:  it changes the way I look at the world, gives me an expectancy, a looking for something worth recording.  I find myself just waiting for what is going to come my way that day, and that, my friends, is a very good thing.

And let’s face it – if I really wanted to write a book, I would be writing it already.  I’d rather be here, posting not quite every day….